Art Saved My Life
My Postpartum Depression Story
As a child, I loved drawing. I found joy in drawing my favorite characters. When I was about 7-8 years old, I was coloring in a coloring book at my Grandma Al’s kitchen table. I remember being so proud of the crayon work I was producing. I looked at my Grandma and proclaimed, “I am going to be a professional colorer when I grow up!”
That is one of the first memories I have of wanting to be an artist when I grew up. And now, it is one of my most cherished memories of my late grandmother. I feel her presence in everything I do to build this dream of becoming a professional “colorer”.
As I grew up, I was always creative, but found other forms of creative expression. Scrapbooking, photography, graphic design, and interior design – to name a few.
Losing Yourself In Motherhood
Fast forward to when I became a mom. After my second daughter was born, my world turned upside down. I was suddenly hit with the untamable beast of postpartum depression.
At the time, I was running an in home daycare. I opened that up when my baby was just two months old. I went from just having an easy three-year-old, introducing a newborn to our family, to adding four other children, all under age three, SIXTY hours a week.
I was exhausted, frustrated and burned out. I lost my entire identity in caring for children. Eventually, postpartum depression pushed me to a breaking point.
Being Admitted in a Mental Health Facility
In April of 2016 I was involuntarily admitted into a mental health facility on a suicide watch. Luckily, right before I was admitted my in home daycare was closed. Regardless, I was sooooo pissed that I was forced to be there. My babies needed me and I couldn’t see clearly through the darkness. I didn’t fully understand how close I was to hurting myself or one of my loved ones. I am very grateful for the therapist I saw that day. She could see what I couldn’t and she did everything the best way she could have.
Looking back, being admitted saved my life and is the foundation for the rest of my story.
After two days in the hospital, I allowed myself to truly receive treatment. I dove headfirst into the program and found a love for the other people that I was admitted with.
Debunking Mental Health Stigmas
Mental Health Facilities have this awful stigma that insinuates being “crazy” if you are admitted. I found the opposite to be true. One of the gentlemen was there because his wife quickly passed away from cancer. Then within a month, his only son committed suicide. Naturally, he needed help coping. Another lady had been through years of trauma and abuse. She was suffering from PTSD.
Art as a Form of Therapy
Once I heard their stories, I began to understand why I was there too. I had lost myself in motherhood. I had lost all sense of identity in caring for other people’s children. I had no idea who I was or what purpose my life had.
In all of our therapy sessions, I found myself drawing and coloring. My notebook from that time is FILLED with healing vibes and hope for the future – mixed with art. Looking back, this was my very first experience with art as a form of therapy. I had not yet considered myself as an artist, but my peers in the hospital acknowledged my hidden talent.
What is my Purpose?!
When I got out of the hospital, I came home and felt like I had no direction or purpose. As a goal oriented person, this was debilitating. I said the most direct prayer I have ever said in my life. “God, tell me what my purpose is in this life! Why am I here?!”
I had the strongest impression to go to school for architecture. My second semester there, I took an architectural drawing class. And damn, the artist within me lit up! It wasn’t long before I started taking architectural based commissions.
Art Saved My Life
My art business started in 2017, but over the years, my vision for what running an art business has changed dramatically. And the people I have met along the way have been such a blessing to my life. Every year, I am pulled to teach others art, and the healing properties it has to offer. The desire to do so has been so strong within the last year.
In 2020, my friend Jess and I co-founded an art membership. We never quite got it off the ground, but we were on to something. We had just started the process of building a registered trademark for our classes when we decided we needed a break. We took two years off. But the desire to teach, connect and grow with other aspiring artists will not let up. So we’re back. Refreshed. And ready to start something wonderful.
Soulbound Studios® officially launches May 13, 2023. Join our mailing list to be the first to know when our art classes are available.
It’s so empowering to look back over the last seven years and feel so grateful for hitting rock bottom in 2016. Art saved my life and I’m so grateful to be here today to share it with you.
Thanks for being part of my journey.
Love and Light,
Mandi.
P.S. If you’d like to hear a full story of my experience with postpartum depression and art, listen to this two part series on the Traumatic Transformations Podcast. I was honored to be a guest on this podcast in November 2020.